I’ve got a pwoblem with my bum.
Down’s World
A story by Patrick Hyde.
Read it here for fwee.
Chapter Three
The Kitchen
Monday
Approximately 5pm
Linda and Foxy sit with hot coffees at the table
Linda: I can’t believe it’s actually you
Foxy cheerful: Well, you and I, we do know about survival
Foxy: The only question is now, what do we do?Tony walks in with the little moustache man
Tony: This is my cousin, Nigel
As Joel and a little bald headed man loudly pass through
Nigel wears a cap and shirt that says 'Eagles'
Nigel: Who are you two?
Foxy: We’re just regular people
Tony: Foxy’s a loser
Linda: Be careful
As Nigel and Tony squeeze Foxy
and don’t let go
Linda: Be gentle
Tony does a big fart and Nigel says: Peeyew!
Pal Zee walks in carrying a bag of footballs
Pal Zee: Some of us are going to the park
I’ll leave the others with you
Tony: I don’t give a fuck
As half a dozen little cherub men
walk through
They look excited as they whoop it up
Linda looks confused:
What the fuck have we gotten into?
Foxy: I don’t know, I think they’re kinda fun
Linda: The robot set me up in the house
next door
Linda: He won’t tell me where he put my gun
Foxy: What do you need it for?
Linda grins: I don’t know Foxy… have some fun
Foxy: you haven’t changed at all
Tony farts: I’ve got a pwoblem with my bum
Tony opens the fridge door
He pulls out a plate of chicken
It slips off the plate and onto the floor
Linda: This Friday is my birthday
Tony picks it up, puts it back
and shuts the door
Foxy: I’m sure we’ll celebrate the day
Linda: A decent drink is all I’m asking for
Track Three: Voice Recording
Perth, Western Australia
Monday 26th September 2050
Joel Donato
Siri, shtalk mode
*Beep*
She really knows what she’s doing
That feisty young woman
Pal Zee got her all plugged in
She even chose a shotgun as her weapon
She swept the depot clean ahead of me
Using only minimal ammunition
We made it past the level easily
Without any of us dying
At level thirteen she went trough five at once
With a dagger combination
I didn’t even know you could do such a thing
Then she fell over on top of me
And Pal Zee explained to me about concussion
She most definitely can join our army
Although, it will require of me some persuasion
With the boys, particularly Joe and Jeremy
She will have to skip initiation
But that’s okay with me
I can’t see her ever drinking seven cans of ‘V’
And doing the front yard streaking
Anyway, the truth is none of us ever did
you see?
Not with our parents watching
And support workers interrupting
But now the most important thing
is to kill them
Those ubiquitous, meddlesome, no good, undead, creeping, zombies!
