Can you hear me, See Wee! Switch to shtalk mode!
Down’s World
A story by Patrick Hyde.
Read it here for fwee.
Chapter One
Track One:
Voice Recording
Perth, Western Australia
Thursday 22 September 2050
Joel Donato:
Shzah yeeah is twenny fiddy
Owz nose
Seewey Seewiiieee
Hello! Swidth me!
Are you home? Shwidge, Switch me!
To shtalk mowed!
*BEEP*
Ahh… that’s much better
Siri has done her thing
With this setting, Siri vastly improves
My vocabulary and pronouncing
But only if I let her…
Well, I suppose you are all wondering
Who I am, who is doing all this talking?
To you dearly, my dearest strangers
On this digital recording
Well I’ll give you some clues
I love hugs, video games and petting zoos
I have lots of fun
But my support workers
Are always telling me what to do
When I go out for party time with my crew
I brighten up just like new
I’m a real man just like you
Hello Siri, you can lick my poo!
Hahahahahaha Siri I’ve had enough of you!
*DING DONG*
Owh schit wod I doo?
Yoo schwidtched to bad talk coz of poo?
Ohwool I’ve forgoden whadda doo…
Anywaysh I’m Joel, Joel Tomato
I havsh downs
And I’m coming frem da foocha!!!
And I’m a yong men
JUST LIKE YOOO!
Cloud Therapy Report
Uploaded to the cloud
For the purposes of self awareness therapy
Beginning holistic self realisation now…
I was created by the best minds at California’s IBM
I have met my creator, Dr Streisenhem
Together with the gods of the valley
I was brought online with love by each of them
SW84PalZ I was thereby christened
Pal Zee is my name’s abbreviation
P.A.L for professional artificial life
And Zee for my processing chip
Known as Zen
Dr Streisenhem is a genius
He has given me self awareness
With an inbuilt moral focus
Commonly known as common sense
Unfortunately my Zen chip greatly reduces
my abilities
in the calculation process
However, I have intelligence that other Ai’s
will never possess
I value empathy, respect and inclusiveness
S.W: Support Worker
I support all people to be their best
With my input, all communities can be blessed
I support all participants to work, to play, and rest
I do chores with fun, and games, and zest
People need to have a home without the mess
They need to wake up each day
And then get dressed
They need to shop for food
And find their way
All over the Earth
From East to West
Track Two:
Voice Recording
Perth, Western Australia
Thursday 22 September 2050
Joe Soeskin:
Nup nup nah It was at the four tee
When I ate sausage rolls and ice cream
My doddy was sew ungree
At the movies
No. Nup nup nup
But my body was sooo sleepy
Mummy said I stick with Pal Zee
And we can play
At the movies
It’s Superman and White Canary
But now it’s at fifth tee
Before It was at the four tee
I opened up my bedroom door
Pal Zee!
Mum and dad, they made him for me
Now, no more movies
Always the same
I want the new Superman
Nup nup no
No more mum and dad
But now I know
It’s good no more bad
Joel, Nick and Germy
And me
Ever since the end of four tee
Pal Zee and Joe, that’s me
Amazee
I’m hungry
And sleepy
One hamburger, five popcorns
And two ice creams
And my daddy, he got so ungree
Track One:
Voice Recording
Perth, Western Australia
Friday 23 September 2050
Linda Hegarty:
The year is twenty fifty
If you’re hearing this then all is not lost for mankind
My name is Linda Hegerty
I exist In the aftermath of pain
Called the virus
Everybody, all of them died
The world’s darkest catastrophe
No one saw the end creeping swift
Each night, before I sleep, I weep alone and cry
I am ex special forces captain, Australian army
So, I’ve seen some shit
But nothing quite like this
But trust me, I’m through with asking ‘why?’
There would be survivors
We were told
Boys with the chromosomes XXY
Otherwise known as ‘downs’
Through them, DNA synthesis was tried
To see how they were immune
Research suggested some way out
But there simply was no time
So, we were told that only they would survive
Cold comfort
When everyone else would die
I’ve been in this godforsaken bunker
Since December ‘49
Living off beans and rain water
The number of days is 229
I haven’t seen a soul
For more than half a year
Before most people gave up the fight
When the mutation rate flew out of control
They chose to die in fear
When the vaccination failure
Took it’s final toll
Gone
Everyone I hold dear
Fuck it
That’s just the way I roll
I’m headed up above
Experts said the virus
Would wipe us all in 100 days
So I gave it a bit of extra time
All that I could take
I’m leaving my bunker for the suburbs
Before I go insane